Imperfections

I do not like my imperfections. I have tried to change them, to improve them, to not have these flaws be highlighted in my daily living. I am so human. I have many flaws that I do not want to see, nor anyone else to see them. Because I am a Christian, I search for my answers in scriptures. I am seeking a healthier perspective on my imperfections and I believe that the bible provides a perspective that will help me.

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him,  rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. (Colossians 2:6-7)

So when my flaws/imperfections are causing me to be distracted from God’s gift of peace, such as, being haunted by my past mistakes, feeling out of control, feeling insecure, unforgiveness for myself or others, and so on, I have read the direction given in the above passage.

The instruction is to be rooted and built up in Christ. I desire above all else that I become even more rooted and built up in Him. My desire is my beginning. Upon meditation of this, I believe that my daily prayer life is my way of digging deep and laying roots for future growth. To make a commitment to my daily prayer is to start my day with “Good morning Lord!” not with “Good God, its morning!” I have a bible that I keep near my sleeping area so that it is within easy grasp as I wake up. I start my prayer with a reading of a psalm. I love the psalms and have many favorites, such as Psalm 23, 34, 37, 91, 121 and……so on….many favorites.

Sometimes my prayers are interrupted with my emotional thoughts. Those areas of my life that have unresolved conflicts like to break into my prayer time and distract me from focusing on loving and praying to Jesus. I received a teaching many years ago that God who is in control of everything has allowed the thoughts to come to me for a purpose. The purpose is to turn the thoughts over to His control and care. This is not always easy, but with God’s grace and my perseverance, I am a work in progress releasing each thought as it comes to me. Some thoughts are harder than others to release, especially if I have strong raw emotions such as anger, pain, regrets, sorrow. When I ask God to help me release those deep emotions and thoughts to Him, He always hears the cry of my heart and slowly, slowly, after perseverance and focusing on Him, the thoughts evaporate from my mind.

Only God can strengthen me in my faith with His love and His provision of experiences of His steadfastness and love for me. I was told many years ago that it would be a good idea to keep a spiritual journal. It has not been easy for me but I have persisted to sporadically write in it. Upon reading this journal, I am reminded of the many times I have cried out to the Lord and He answered my prayers or others’ prayers for me. The building up of my faith, the strengthening of my faith is given to me by God, the source of all, in all my daily experiences. He provides for me. He might send someone with a kind word for my heart, someone to open a door for me, a driver who lets me enter traffic easily, a hug from a child, or a call from a friend. God always provides for me.

I still work at not practicing my imperfections – this is my part in the process. I have to leave the changing/removal of my imperfections to the grace and power of God – that is His part. As I live with God during my day, sensing His presence and provisions, I am drawn into constant prayer, with ejaculations of “Glory to God!” or Thank you Lord!” I vaguely remember that there is a scripture that says something like (paraphrased) “God lives in the praises of His people,” so as I praise Him constantly by saying the Jesus Prayer (Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me a sinner) or by ejaculatory prayers, I am blessed by Him and my imperfections seem less important.

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (Colossians 3:17)

I have had people who know me come and say to me that I have changed. They cannot name how but that they see that I am different than I used to be. Wow! God’s grace in action.

I am a work in progress! Praise the Lord!

Copyright 2012 © Gloria Winn, all rights reserved.

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